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After a picture perfect, 85 degree, cloudless Saturday, what does Easter Sunday have to offer? You guessed it…rain. There is something extremely calming about waking up to the sound of a light drizzle on the roof and nearby pavement. Don’t get me wrong; I am just as much of a fan of the sun as the next summer-junkie, but let’s be honest, it is almost like a free pass to be as lazy as you would like. Rainy days not only bring out the umbrellas, but also bring out statements like, “I don’t know…something about this weather just makes me want to lie around all day.” Something about my personality makes me want to lay around all day; the rainy weather is just an excellent facilitator.

Being California born and bred, I am still yet to fully adjust to the type of weather we experience out here in Texas. I was very, VERY content with only seeing tornadoes in movies like “Twister“. Last Tuesday, while at work, we had a crazy day in terms of weather. It was all over the Yahoo homepage and many news stations on TV: Major tornadoes touching down in the Dallas/Fortworth area. We heard reports that Arlington, TX had been declared a “state of emergency” right around the noon hour on Tuesday, and the storms were not done yet. I was on my way home for my lunch break, when all of a sudden the radio switched to the Emergency Broadcast. Something about the eerie, almost metallic sounding beep, just gave me goosebumps in an instant. “If you are outside, take shelter immediately.” That is all I needed to hear. Not knowing what to do, and being about an hour away from family, I turned right back around and went to the office. While hyperventilating against a wall at work, I could hear people joking about the severity of the storm. Then someone said, “The tornado is headed right for us!” As expected, the jokes subsided at that point. Even though the tornado did not come ripping through the building, lift me off my feet and hurl me 120 feet into a tree, I imagined that scenario vividly enough for it to seem real. Here is a photo of just how close it was to our work. Uhhh, right across the street? Yep.

Nobody was hurt, but the hail took out PLENTY of windshields in the parking lot. Just glad everybody was safe. Now I am sitting here, listening to thunder with a little less worry. Perhaps I have rounded the corner, and am now officially Texas weather-ready. I mean hell, I am basically Bill Paxton now, surviving tornadoes and shit. All I need now is my Helen Hunt…sigh (haha).

Today, while at work, I felt the ol’ stomach growling, so I headed to the local Subway. There, I found myself behind a gentleman whom I believe to be the ONLY person who had not yet been to Subway. 

First Step: The Brizzead (Bread)

The question, “6 inch or footlong?” hit this guy like a word search puzzle hits someone suffering from dyslexia. His visit became an event in my eyes, and I found it to be worth describing.

So after fully deciphering the extremely difficult question regarding sandwich size, came the follow up: “What type of bread?” It wasn’t until then that I noticed Subway carries, what, five or six types of bread..? This is when I knew I was in it for the long haul.  He finally decided on white bread, after about 3 minutes of mulling over his options. Keep in mind, 3 minutes in a Subway line is equivalent to 24 minutes real time.

Next Step: Type of Sandwich

.Oh God, no. You mean he has ALL these choices? Why didn’t I go to the other Subway, right around the corner? All of these thoughts came flooding in as I stood there in a back and forth struggle to construct the perfect mid-day sandwich. While Joe, the Subway virgin, couldn’t make up his mind between the meatball or the chicken Parmesan, one thing was for sure; Joe was in the mood for an Italian sub. You might ask, how do I know his name is Joe? Let me tell you, he took the time to introduce himself to me in between the bread and meat portion of the Subway line. Critical decision making time, pissed away telling me his predictable name. While I appreciate the friendly gesture, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, JOE!

Joe decided on the …drumroll please…Chicken Parm sub. A classic flavor; the marinara, the warm bread, the pepperjack cheese…wait, huh? Yeah, Joe decided to go ape shit on his toppings for this sub. This is one of those subs that I consider most of the toppings to be a given. Never heard anyone ask for pepperjack cheese, banana peppers, spinach leaves, and a scoop of tuna on a Chicken Parmesan sub. By now, I had almost forgotten I was ordering a sandwich because of this whole movie unfolding in front of me.

Final Scene: The Payment

Subway Employee: That will be [instert price here], sir

Joe: Wait, how much?

Subway Employee repeats price

Joe: Nah, wait… that says $2.99 up there

Subway Employee: I’m sorry, that is for breakfast.

Joe: Well I am not paying that for THIS

(Joe points at sandwich as if it was confirmed to have herpes)

Exit Joe

 

After all this time, Joe left unhappy and sandwichless. Furthermore, he had constructed such a terrible sandwich, that even if the employees could eat a sandwich left like that (which I’m sure they can’t), who would want that? I decided he was victim of inception, and someone who dislikes him went inside his mind and convinced him that he thought a TunaChickenParm sub was tasty…and that the idea was all his own.

TUNACHICKENPARMESANCEPTION

That coulda been you, Joe

*To be noted, my sandwich was delicious and I still have half at home waiting for me. Can’t wait. Come on 5 o’clock!